it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
