im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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