So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
