you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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