I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
