Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
