the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had to cum in my sink.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
