I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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