i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
