I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't notice because vodka
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
