the condom got lost in my hair
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
