It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
