did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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