connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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