oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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