My boss' voice literally gives me gas
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
