1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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