I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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