I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
