I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
