You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
