Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
