How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
