God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
