i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
