if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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