I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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