Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
