yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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