Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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