All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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