my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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