is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
