did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
