I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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