For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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