it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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