Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
