2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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