I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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