If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
