I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
