The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
