Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
