the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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