: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize