there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
