walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love you.
Bad choice
PANTIES FOUND
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