If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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