You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
