Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
