My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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