ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
