ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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