Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
