that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
