I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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