i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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