Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
